Dismissing Child Support Arrears: Your Path To Relief

Navigating the Tough Waters of Child Support Arrears

Hey there, guys. Let's talk about something incredibly tough that many parents face: child support arrears. You know, those overdue child support payments that can feel like a mountain getting bigger every single day. It's a heavy burden, and it often comes about not because you don't care about your kids, but because life, frankly, throws some serious curveballs. Maybe you lost your job unexpectedly, or your work hours got drastically cut down, leaving your income in shambles. Perhaps you've been hit with some truly extraordinary expenses that just weren't in the budget – think medical emergencies, unexpected home repairs, or other unforeseen financial crises that can derail even the most diligent budgeter. This isn't about dodging responsibility; it's about being caught in a bind where circumstances beyond your control make it nearly impossible to keep up. The pressure is immense, the stress is real, and the fear of escalating legal consequences can be absolutely paralyzing. But here's the deal: you're not alone in this boat, and while it's a challenging situation, there are steps you can take. We’re going to dive deep into understanding what child support arrears actually mean, why they pile up, and most importantly, what realistic options you might have to address them, potentially even getting them dismissed or significantly reduced. We're talking about strategies, legal avenues, and practical advice to help you navigate this complex financial and legal landscape. It's a long shot for a full dismissal in many cases, but understanding your rights and options is the first crucial step towards finding some relief and getting back on track for both you and your children. Don't throw in the towel just yet; let's explore this together. This isn't just legal jargon; it's about real people, real families, and real financial struggles that deserve a clear, empathetic guide.

Understanding the Beast: What Are Child Support Arrears Anyway?

Alright, so before we talk about how to deal with child support arrears, let's get crystal clear on what exactly we're up against. In simple terms, child support arrears are the unpaid child support payments that have accumulated over time. Think of it as a debt that grows with each missed or partial payment. It’s not just the original amount, either; often, interest can accrue on these overdue payments, making that mountain we talked about even steeper. This isn't just a friendly reminder from a bank; it's a legally binding obligation, and falling behind carries some pretty serious consequences. These consequences can range from wage garnishment, where money is taken directly from your paycheck, to tax refund intercepts, driver's license suspension, professional license suspension, and even passport denial. In some extreme cases, repeated failure to pay can lead to contempt of court charges, which could potentially mean jail time, although that's usually a last resort for chronic, willful non-payers. The system is designed to ensure children receive the financial support they need, and it takes non-payment very seriously. It's important to differentiate between prospective child support modification and retrospective arrears. While you can often get future child support payments adjusted if your income changes significantly, arrears – the money already owed – are much harder to touch. States have different rules, but generally, courts are very reluctant to retroactively forgive or dismiss support that was already due, as it's seen as money owed to the child, not just the other parent. This is why addressing the issue proactively and swiftly is so incredibly vital. Don't let it fester, guys. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to untangle, and the more dire the potential outcomes. Understanding this distinction is fundamental to strategizing your approach to dealing with these challenging financial obligations. The key takeaway here is that arrears are past due payments, often compounded by interest, and they come with significant legal weight and enforcement mechanisms.

The Harsh Reality: Why Arrears Accumulate

Now, let's get real about why child support arrears accumulate. It's almost never because a parent suddenly decides, "Hey, I just don't want to pay anymore." More often than not, it stems from incredibly difficult, unforeseen life circumstances. We’re talking about situations like sudden job loss, which can completely wipe out your income stream overnight. Imagine waking up to find out your company is downsizing, or your position has been eliminated – it’s a gut punch that affects every aspect of your life, especially your ability to meet financial obligations like child support. Or perhaps you've experienced a significant reduction in work hours, transforming a full-time, steady income into something barely livable. This partial loss of income can be just as crippling, making it impossible to cover your regular expenses, let alone child support. Then there are those extraordinary, unexpected expenses that pop up out of nowhere. Think about a major medical emergency – either for yourself or another family member – leading to huge hospital bills, or a car accident that leaves you without transportation, or perhaps a sudden, critical home repair like a burst pipe or a failing furnace. These aren't luxuries; these are essential, unavoidable costs that can completely deplete your savings and force you to prioritize survival over other payments. These situations, guys, are not a reflection of your commitment to your children; they are simply the unpredictable nature of life. The system, while designed to protect children, sometimes doesn’t account for the immediate and drastic shifts in a parent’s financial reality. The critical mistake many parents make in these situations is not communicating or taking action immediately. They might feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, or unsure of what to do, leading to silence and inaction. But this silence only allows the arrears to grow, making a bad situation significantly worse. It’s crucial to understand that while these reasons are sympathetic, they don't automatically forgive the debt in the eyes of the law unless you formally address them.

Can Child Support Arrears Really Be Dismissed? Setting Expectations

Okay, let's get down to the brass tacks, because this is where a lot of hope meets harsh reality. When you're asking, "Can child support arrears really be dismissed?" the short and honest answer is: it's incredibly difficult, and full dismissal is rare. I know, that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but it's important to set realistic expectations from the get-go. Courts generally view child support arrears as a debt owed to the child, not just the other parent. This means that the court's primary concern is ensuring the child receives the financial benefit they are entitled to. They are very reluctant to retroactively forgive money that was legally ordered and already became due, especially if it appears that the paying parent is simply trying to avoid their responsibility. While the concept of "dismissal" sounds great, it's often more accurate to think in terms of reduction, compromise, or structured repayment plans. Complete, outright dismissal of a significant amount of child support arrears is usually reserved for very specific, extreme circumstances, like provable fraud on the part of the other parent or a clear error in calculation by the court or agency, which, let's be honest, doesn't happen every day. This doesn't mean you should give up hope, but it does mean your approach needs to be strategic, well-documented, and often, legally assisted. The goal isn't necessarily to wave a magic wand and make it all disappear, but rather to find a fair and manageable solution that addresses your current financial reality while still upholding your commitment to your children. Understanding this distinction is absolutely crucial before you embark on any legal efforts. It's an uphill battle, guys, but one that can sometimes yield significant relief if you play your cards right and understand the legal landscape you're navigating.

The Uphill Battle: It's Not as Easy as It Sounds

Seriously, guys, when it comes to child support arrears, achieving a full "dismissal" isn't like waving a magic wand. This is an uphill battle, and anyone telling you it's a walk in the park isn't giving you the full picture. The reason it's so tough is fundamentally rooted in the law's perspective: child support isn't just a personal debt between two parents; it's a right of the child. Once a payment is missed and becomes an arrearage, that money is considered vested in the child. Courts are incredibly hesitant to take away funds that are legally owed to support a minor. They prioritize the child's best interests above almost everything else, and that includes ensuring their financial stability. Even if you've got a really compelling story about why you couldn't pay – like sudden, severe illness, unexpected disability, or an economic catastrophe that genuinely wasn't your fault – the court's hands are often tied by existing statutes that make retroactive modification or forgiveness extremely difficult, if not impossible, in many jurisdictions. You can't just walk into court and say, "Oops, I couldn't pay," and expect the slate to be wiped clean. The burden of proof is heavily on you to demonstrate not only why you couldn't pay, but also what diligent efforts you made at the time to address the situation, like seeking a modification when your income first changed. This is why proactive communication and legal action are so vital; waiting until the arrears are astronomical makes your case significantly weaker. It often requires navigating complex legal procedures, presenting strong evidence, and sometimes, even proving a legal error or fraud. So, while "dismissal" is the dream, prepare yourself for a realistic fight where compromise and reduction are far more common, and often, more achievable outcomes. Don't underestimate the challenge, but also, don't let it deter you from seeking solutions.

Legal Avenues to Address Child Support Arrears: Your Action Plan

Alright, so we've established that outright dismissal of child support arrears is tough, but that doesn't mean you're without options, guys. There are definitely legal avenues you can explore to address these arrears, potentially leading to a significant reduction, a manageable payment plan, or even a compromise settlement. The key here is action and strategy. Doing nothing is, by far, the worst possible approach. The legal system isn't going to magically forgive your debt; you have to proactively engage with it. One of the most common and often effective strategies is to seek a modification of your child support order. While this usually applies to future payments, it can be a critical step to prevent new arrears from accumulating, and sometimes, a court might be more amenable to discussing arrears payment plans if you've shown you're serious about getting your current support in order. Another powerful, yet often overlooked, path is negotiating directly with the other parent. Believe it or not, sometimes a face-to-face (or lawyer-to-lawyer) discussion can yield results that the court system might not. They might be open to a compromise or settlement if it means getting a guaranteed, albeit reduced, lump sum, rather than chasing a constantly growing, uncollectible debt. Then there's the possibility of seeking an arrears compromise program through your state's child support enforcement agency, which can sometimes reduce the principal amount owed under specific circumstances. Finally, in rare cases of extreme hardship or injustice, you might be able to file a petition for equitable relief with the court, asking them to use their discretion to fashion a just solution. Each of these avenues has its own requirements and potential hurdles, so understanding them and choosing the right path for your specific situation is paramount. Don't just pick one at random; carefully consider your circumstances, gather your evidence, and think strategically about the best way forward.

Modifying Your Child Support Order

When you're swimming in child support arrears, one of your first, most critical steps, even if it primarily affects future payments, is to explore modifying your existing child support order. I know what you're thinking: "But what about the old debt?" While modification generally doesn't retroactively forgive what you already owe, getting your current support payments adjusted downwards to a more manageable and realistic amount can prevent new arrears from piling up. This is absolutely crucial, guys. You can't tackle the mountain of old debt if you're constantly adding new snow to the peak. Most states require a significant change in circumstances to warrant a modification. This "significant change" could be exactly what you've experienced: job loss, substantial reduction in income or hours, a disability preventing you from working, or even a major change in the child's needs or custody arrangement. The absolute key here is to file for this modification as soon as your circumstances change, not months or years later. Courts can only modify support orders from the date you file your petition for modification, not retrospectively from when your income actually dropped. If you wait, every payment due between your income loss and your filing date will still accrue as arrears, adding to your existing burden. So, if you lost your job last January but don't file until June, those five months of full payments are still considered owed. Gather all your financial documents – old pay stubs, termination letters, new employment offers (if any), medical bills, bank statements – anything that clearly demonstrates your reduced ability to pay. This isn't just about saying "I can't pay"; it's about proving it with hard evidence. A successful modification reduces your ongoing obligation, which in turn, can make it easier to negotiate a sensible payment plan for the existing arrears. It shows the court and the other parent that you are serious about fulfilling your obligations, even if at a lower, more sustainable rate.

Negotiating with the Other Parent

This might sound intimidating, especially if your relationship with the other parent is strained, but negotiating directly with the other parent can sometimes be one of the most effective, and often quickest, paths to addressing child support arrears. Think about it, guys: the other parent also has an interest in actually receiving some money, rather than endlessly chasing a debt that you genuinely can't pay. While courts are rigid, individuals can be more flexible. They might be willing to settle the arrears for a lump sum that's less than the full amount owed, especially if they know you have some funds available, perhaps from a small inheritance, a new job bonus, or a loan from family. Or, they might agree to a structured repayment plan that's more lenient than what a court or enforcement agency would impose – perhaps lower monthly payments, or a temporary pause. The incentive for them is often to get something concrete now instead of waiting for an uncertain future where the full amount might never be collected. This approach is all about finding a mutually beneficial agreement. If you go this route, always, always, always get any agreement in writing and make sure it's signed by both parties. Even better, if possible, have it formalized by the court as a new order. This ensures it's legally binding and prevents any disputes down the line. You don't want to pay a lump sum only for them to turn around and claim you still owe the original amount. While it requires open communication and a willingness from both sides, sometimes a pragmatic conversation, perhaps mediated by an attorney or a professional mediator, can lead to a breakthrough that courtroom battles might not provide. It’s about appealing to their practical side and demonstrating your good faith effort to resolve the debt. This can be particularly effective if the other parent understands your genuine financial hardship and prioritizes some payment over none.

Seeking an Arrears Compromise or Settlement

Beyond direct negotiation, another critical avenue to explore when you're battling child support arrears is seeking an arrears compromise or settlement through formal channels, specifically with your state's child support enforcement agency. Many states have programs designed to help parents resolve significant arrears, particularly if they are owed to the state (often because the other parent received public assistance, and the state 'subrogated' or took over the right to collect the support). These programs aren't about wiping the slate clean entirely, but they can offer a pathway to a reduced lump-sum payment that satisfies the debt. For example, some agencies might offer to accept a percentage of the total arrears if you can pay it off in one go, thereby releasing you from the remaining balance and the accumulating interest. The eligibility for such programs varies widely by state and specific circumstances. Typically, you'll need to demonstrate genuine inability to pay the full amount, show a consistent payment history (even if partial) in recent times, and perhaps be in a situation where the arrears are deemed uncollectible by traditional means. It’s essentially the agency deciding that some money now is better than no money ever. You’ll need to formally apply, provide extensive financial documentation proving your hardship, and likely participate in interviews. This isn't a guaranteed handout; it's a strategic offering from the state to clear its books and secure some funds for the child, even if less than the original amount. Moreover, even if your arrears aren't owed to the state, your attorney might be able to negotiate a similar settlement proposal with the other parent's legal counsel, presenting a structured offer to pay a reduced sum to extinguish the debt. The goal is always to demonstrate a genuine effort to resolve the issue while acknowledging your financial limitations.

Filing a Petition for Equitable Relief

Now, this is usually considered a last resort and is much less common, but in certain extraordinary circumstances, you might be able to file a petition for equitable relief with the court to address child support arrears. What does "equitable relief" mean, you ask? Essentially, you're asking the court to use its inherent power and discretion to do what is fair and just, even if strict legal statutes might seem to dictate otherwise. This is not about circumventing the law, but rather appealing to the court's sense of fairness when applying the law would lead to an unconscionable or extremely harsh outcome that was clearly unintended or unforeseen. This legal avenue is typically only pursued when all other options have been exhausted and there’s a truly compelling, unique set of facts. For example, imagine a situation where there was a major administrative error in calculating the arrears, a provable instance of fraud by the other parent regarding the support owed, or a severe, catastrophic event (like a debilitating illness or injury that rendered you permanently unable to work, and you couldn't seek modification earlier due to incapacitation). The burden of proof in these cases is incredibly high, guys. You would need to present robust, clear, and compelling evidence to convince the judge that applying the standard rules would result in a manifest injustice. It's not for minor inconveniences or simply wishing the debt away. This is a highly complex legal maneuver that absolutely requires the assistance of an experienced family law attorney. They can assess if your situation even remotely qualifies and, if so, guide you through the intricate process of presenting a compelling case for the court to exercise its equitable powers. It's a long shot, yes, but for those rare, truly exceptional cases, it can be a pathway to significant relief where standard procedures fall short.

Essential Steps to Take When Facing Arrears: Don't Just Sit There!

Okay, so you've got child support arrears looming over you, and you're feeling overwhelmed. The absolute worst thing you can do, guys, is nothing. Inaction only allows the problem to fester and grow, compounding interest and increasing potential legal penalties. Taking essential steps proactively can make a huge difference in your ability to manage, reduce, or even, in rare cases, get those arrears dismissed. Your immediate action plan should focus on three critical areas: gathering meticulous documentation, communicating effectively with all relevant parties, and seeking expert legal counsel. These aren't just suggestions; they are indispensable elements of a successful strategy. When we talk about documentation, we mean every single piece of paper, email, or record related to your income, expenses, and child support payments. This is your evidence, your shield, and your sword in any legal proceeding. Effective communication means reaching out to the child support agency, the other parent, or their attorney to show you are serious about finding a resolution. Silence can be interpreted as defiance, and that's the last thing you want. Finally, consulting with a knowledgeable family law attorney is not an optional extra; it's usually your best bet. They understand the nuances of the law in your specific jurisdiction and can guide you through the complex legal processes, assess your options, and advocate on your behalf. Don't try to go it alone, especially when the stakes are this high. Remember, the system is complex, and navigating it without proper guidance can lead to missed opportunities and unfavorable outcomes. Be proactive, be organized, and get help!

Gathering Documentation is Key

Let me tell you, guys, when you're battling child support arrears, your biggest weapon is documentation. Seriously, it's not just "helpful" – it's absolutely critical. You need to gather every single piece of paper, every email, every text message, and every financial record that pertains to your income, your expenses, and your child support payments. Think of yourself as building a bulletproof case. What kind of documents are we talking about? We're talking about pay stubs (both current and from when your income changed), termination letters or layoff notices, new employment contracts or offers (if your income decreased), bank statements showing your financial position, tax returns, medical bills or other extraordinary expense receipts, proof of payments you did make (even partial ones), and any correspondence you've had with the child support agency or the other parent regarding your financial situation. If you filed for unemployment benefits, get those records. If you applied for disability, get those records too. The more comprehensive your documentation, the stronger your position will be when you present your case to the court, the child support agency, or the other parent. This isn't just about proving your hardship; it's also about demonstrating your good faith and diligence. Without solid proof, your claims of job loss or extraordinary expenses are just words, and words often aren't enough in a courtroom. Start organizing everything into a clear, chronological file. This preparation will not only make you look more credible but will also help your attorney understand your situation much more quickly and effectively. Remember, the burden is on you to prove why you couldn't pay and why you deserve relief. Don't skimp on this step!

Communicating with All Parties

When you find yourself deep in the hole of child support arrears, one of the most common and damaging mistakes, guys, is to go silent. Don't do it! Communicating with all relevant parties – that means the child support enforcement agency, and critically, the other parent or their legal representative – is absolutely vital. Silence is often interpreted as defiance, evasion, or simply not caring, and that will only harden their stance against you. Instead, you need to show you are engaged, responsible, and actively seeking a resolution. As soon as your financial circumstances change significantly, reach out immediately. Inform the child support agency in writing about your job loss, reduced hours, or major financial setback. Request information on how to file for a modification. If possible, and if safe to do so, try to communicate with the other parent. Explain your situation calmly and rationally. This isn't about blaming; it's about sharing your reality and expressing your desire to still support your children, even if at a reduced capacity temporarily. Propose solutions, even if they're small, like offering a partial payment or asking for a temporary pause. Sometimes, just knowing you're making an effort can open doors for negotiation or compromise. Always keep a record of all communications – dates, times, what was discussed, and who you spoke with. Follow up phone calls with written summaries (emails are great for this). This paper trail proves you were proactive and tried to resolve the issue in good faith. Even if the immediate response isn't favorable, your consistent and honest communication demonstrates your commitment, which can be beneficial if your case ends up in court. Remember, nobody can help you if they don't know what's going on, and ignoring the problem simply makes it worse.

Seeking Legal Counsel – Your Best Bet

Look, guys, when you're dealing with something as complex and high-stakes as child support arrears, trying to navigate it on your own is like trying to fix a broken engine with a blindfold on. Your absolute best bet is to seek experienced legal counsel. I cannot stress this enough. A qualified family law attorney who specializes in child support cases in your state will be an invaluable asset. Why? Because the laws governing child support and arrears are incredibly intricate and vary significantly from state to state. What might be possible in one jurisdiction could be a non-starter in another. An attorney understands these nuances. They can accurately assess your specific situation, review your documentation, and advise you on the most viable legal avenues available – whether it's filing for a modification, negotiating a settlement, exploring state compromise programs, or, in those rare instances, pursuing equitable relief. They know the procedural rules, the deadlines, and how to present your case effectively in court. Furthermore, an attorney can act as a crucial buffer between you and the child support agency or the other parent, especially if emotions are running high. They can communicate on your behalf, ensuring that all correspondence is professional, legally sound, and strategically beneficial to your case. They can help you prepare for court hearings, negotiate with the other side, and advocate fiercely for your rights and your ability to provide for your children under challenging circumstances. Yes, legal fees are a consideration, but think of it as an investment. The potential long-term financial and legal consequences of unaddressed arrears – wage garnishments, license suspensions, even jail time – far outweigh the cost of professional guidance. Don't gamble with your future; get a lawyer.

What Not to Do: Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Alright, guys, we've talked about what you should do, but it's equally important, if not more so, to discuss what not to do when you're dealing with child support arrears. Falling into these common pitfalls can severely jeopardize your case, make your situation exponentially worse, and diminish any chance you have of finding relief. First and foremost, never, ever ignore the problem. Pretending it doesn't exist or hoping it will magically go away is a recipe for disaster. Each missed payment adds to the arrears, accrues interest, and brings you closer to serious enforcement actions. Ignoring official notices, court summons, or agency communications will only be interpreted as willful non-compliance, which can lead to even harsher penalties, including contempt of court. Secondly, don't make informal arrangements without proper documentation. While negotiating directly with the other parent is a viable strategy, relying solely on a verbal agreement is incredibly risky. Memories fade, relationships change, and without a written, signed, and preferably court-ordered agreement, you have no legal proof of your arrangement. You could end up paying money and still be held liable for the full arrears. This is a common and heartbreaking mistake. Thirdly, never stop paying entirely without a court order. Even if you've lost your job or your income has plummeted, continuing to pay something, even a partial amount, shows good faith. More importantly, you cannot unilaterally decide to stop paying because your circumstances have changed. Child support orders remain in effect until a court modifies them. If you stop paying, you're just adding more to your arrears. Always seek a modification first. Fourth, don't hide assets or income. The child support system has sophisticated ways to track financial information, and attempting to conceal funds will not only be discovered but will be viewed as fraud and willful evasion, leading to severe legal repercussions. Transparency, even when it's painful, is always the best policy. Finally, don't delay seeking legal advice. The longer you wait, the more difficult and expensive it becomes to rectify the situation. Early intervention is key to managing arrears effectively. Avoid these pitfalls, and you'll significantly improve your chances of a more favorable outcome.

Your Long-Term Game Plan: Moving Forward Smartly

So, you've taken the tough steps to address your child support arrears, perhaps successfully modified your order, or negotiated a payment plan. What now? It’s crucial, guys, to have a long-term game plan to ensure you don't end up in the same difficult spot again. This isn't just about fixing the past; it's about building a more stable financial future for yourself and, by extension, for your children. First and foremost, stick to your new payment plan or modified order like glue. Consistency is king. Make every payment on time, and keep meticulous records of every single transaction. This not only keeps you in good standing with the court and the agency but also builds trust with the other parent. Set up automatic payments if possible, to avoid accidental missed deadlines. Secondly, cultivate financial resilience. This means building an emergency fund, even if it's small to start. Life will inevitably throw more curveballs, and having a financial cushion can prevent a temporary setback from spiraling into a new arrearage crisis. Budget carefully, identify areas where you can save, and explore ways to increase your income, whether through a side hustle, further education, or career advancement. Thirdly, regularly review your financial situation. Life is dynamic. Your income might increase, or decrease again. The child's needs might change. If there’s another significant change in circumstances that impacts your ability to pay or your child’s needs, don't hesitate to seek another modification immediately. Don't wait for arrears to pile up again. Be proactive, not reactive. Fourth, maintain open and respectful communication with the other parent, if feasible. A good co-parenting relationship, even if just transactional, can make future adjustments much smoother. Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help. Whether it's financial counseling, legal advice, or even emotional support from friends and family, lean on your resources. Navigating child support can be a lifelong journey, and doing it smartly means continuous vigilance and a commitment to stability. This proactive approach ensures you stay ahead of the game and protect yourself from future financial distress, securing a better future for everyone involved.

Conclusion: Taking Control of Your Child Support Arrears and Finding Your Way Forward

Navigating the world of child support arrears is undoubtedly one of the toughest challenges a parent can face. The feeling of being behind, the constant legal threats, and the sheer weight of the financial burden can be incredibly isolating and debilitating. But remember this, guys: you're not alone in this struggle, and there are viable paths to relief if you approach the situation strategically and with determination. While outright dismissal of significant arrears is indeed rare and presents an uphill battle, clinging to that single outcome can obscure the many other practical solutions available. Options like modifying your existing child support order to make future payments manageable, negotiating directly with the other parent for a compromise, seeking arrears compromise programs through state agencies, and even, in very specific and extraordinary circumstances, pursuing equitable relief from the court, can provide significant breakthroughs. Each of these avenues, while distinct, shares common requirements: proactive engagement, meticulous documentation, and, critically, the guidance of expert legal counsel. Don't fall into the trap of ignoring the problem, hoping it will disappear, or attempting to navigate the intricate legal system without a seasoned family law attorney by your side. Their expertise is invaluable in assessing your unique situation, identifying the best course of action, and advocating effectively on your behalf. Be proactive from the moment your financial circumstances change, gather every piece of supporting evidence, communicate transparently with all parties involved, and commit to a long-term strategy of financial stability and consistent compliance. It's a journey that demands resilience and determination, but by taking these essential, well-informed steps, you can genuinely move from a place of overwhelming stress and uncertainty to one of manageable solutions. This empowers you to continue supporting your children effectively, fulfill your obligations, and ultimately find your own path to financial peace and stability. You've got this, and with the right strategy, you can truly take control of your situation.